My name is Abarai Renji and I'm Desperate
by Setus
Summary: My name is Abarai Renji, and I’m desperate. Being the vice captain of the 6th Division is probably the toughest position to be in the whole of Seireitei, or perhaps even Soul Society. You may be asking why, my answer is simple. My captain.


This is just something for fun after I've written The Byakuya Limit. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Bleach :)

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My name is Abarai Renji, and I'm desperate. Being the vice captain of the 6th Division is probably the toughest position to be in the whole of Seireitei, or perhaps even Soul Society. You may be asking why, my answer is simple.

My captain.

Kuchiki Byakuya is perhaps the most eligible shinigami in the whole of Soul Society. He's poised, accomplished, strong, and noble. Wealth and prestige aside, he's the only person who is nice. Don't believe me? If you think he's a stoic, heartless, stubborn law-abiding citizen, then you are completely wrong.

Underneath that cold exterior, let me tell you, is really a sweet and gentle man who values simplicity. I know, because I see him every day, and that is the only reason why I even bothered getting out of bed. Even though he doesn't say it, he cares for everyone who isn't attacking Soul Society. He attends my vice captain meetings for me if I were not to be around even though he didn't have to, and I suspect he attends Rukia's Women's Shinigami Association meetings for her if she's out in the real world. No one could ask for a better captain or a brother. But for me, I really hope our relationship doesn't stay as him telling me what to do and me bringing his tea.

It is really difficult, watching him do his paper work with speed and accuracy. The way he holds the brush, the strong powerful strokes that calibrated the most beautiful calligraphy in the whole of Soul Society, the same powerful hands that wielded the most powerful and stunning Zampakutou around. They say Rukia's Sode no Shirayuki is the most beautiful.

No. It's not.

Senbonzakura is.

And it's true, that the Zampakutou reflects the personality of the wielder. Senbonzakura is the absolute personification of Kuchiki Byakuya. Graceful and gentle, yet powerful and strong. Just like how he is…

Aww… just by thinking about it makes me swoon…

He sits adjacent to me every day in the division's headquarters doing paperwork, and that, is the happiest moments of my day. Just sitting there, watching him does work…

The way his eyes are so focused and unwavering, his long soft hair billowing just slightly with the breeze from outside, that smooth and clear skin on his handsome face, that chiseled jaw…

"…Renji…"

Those lips that form the words to carry that deep strong voice…

"Renji…"

Underneath that scarf his skin still looks so smooth…

"Abarai Fukutaicho."

!!!!!!

"Yes Taicho!" Oh freak!

"Have you finished your work?" it's that voice… that drowning voice…

"No, sir. I'll get on to it."

Darn! Did he catch me staring at him?! Oh this is bad… he's going to think I'm some stalker or something, already not doing work shows that I'm incompetent! No this cannot be, I must be a support for him, a sturdy support. If only he knows how much he means to me, even just sitting there…

Oh yes, as I was saying, he cares for everyone deeply. He's the reason why I'm standing here now, as a vice captain. If it weren't for him, I would still be some nameless 11th division member. He is the reason why I fought so hard to climb the ranks. I must say my efforts weren't in vain, can you imagine how many people will kill just to be in my position now? Sitting there quietly and watch the most handsome man in Soul Society work in peace?

Despite our fight in saving Rukia, I can tell that he was in severe dilemma when she was to be sent for execution. I know it pains him to break the news to her, I was there. Now I regretted going head on against him. But then again, it is still him that I mastered my Bankai. I can't imagine life without him. Without Kuchiki Byakuya, I am not the Renji I am today.

Man, I wish I can just call him Byakuya… it's so much more friendly, than the damned 'taicho' I have to add behind his surname. But well, I can call him what I want in my head.

Byakuyaaaaaa…

When he was wounded, he said if I wished he were dead. Hell no! Why would I wish he was dead?! He's the reason why I even lived! And that damned Ichigo just had to burst in when I was about to confess my love for him… oh yes, that reminds me, the next time I see Ichigo I'll kill him…

He takes care of little things, like making sure we bring cloaks to Hueco Mundo to shield us from the sand, came to our rescue in Hueco Mundo… aww… he's just so sweet!

He likes evening walks, I know that, because I see him time to time wandering in Soul Society, sometimes to visit places he went with his deceased wife. To be honest, I'm real jealous of her. She got Byakuya's love, his attention, and his…

…

My ears feel hot… AM I BLUSHING?! Oh no, I hope he didn't see it!

"Renji…"

"Yes Taicho!" Damn.

"If you are not feeling well, you are free to take a break." Byakuya said, without even looking up…

"No, Taicho. I'm fine." He is so sweet! He thought I was unwell and asked me to take a break! He's so caring for his subordinates!

Wait.

He never said that to the others. YES! HE HAD NEVER! THE OTHER GUY DOWN AT THE LOBBY GOT STARED AT WHEN HE HAD A COLD AND WAS DOZING OFF!

I told you he cared for me. Yay! My beloved Byakuyaaaa~

Oh yes, paper work.

Just the other day, Matsumoto-san got shouted at by her captain for drinking again. Hisagi and Kira stopped joining us ever since their captains flew on a one way trip to Hueco Mundo on the hands of Menos. Apparently Byakuyaaaa didn't tell me off whenever I go drinking with them. He must have known I was stressed and needed a time out. Awww. How sweet!

Really, sometimes he should take time off and go on vacation or something, although I think just moving into another room at his mansion is already a vacation by itself… I've been there only once. And it's soooooo beautiful. Damn, Rukia now lives there! What the hell am I still doing in that small room in the division's headquarters?!

Oh it's already 3 o'clock. Time to bring him his tea.

"Taicho, excuse me, I'll go bring you your tea."

"Very well."

Even though he doesn't say it or put it in his voice I know he's secretly thankful that I'm around. I mean I bring him his tea, his work, help him find things, clean up the mess 6th division's idiots are capable of making, keep an ear out for him, yadda yadda, I can go on forever! Well I know he knows it's great that I'm around.

Oh here it is, the tea leaves I bought for him the other day. Hope he likes it.

"Taicho, your tea."

I set it down on his left, just how he likes it. He doesn't thank me, but I know he thanks me in his heart. I completely understand, it's not like him to thank people who are doing their jobs.

Stupid paper work. Why can't we get someone else to do it…

Oh! He's drinking the tea!

Sigh, he's so elegant. You know I can never raise the cup or drink like him, so slowly, enjoying the fragrant of the tea…

"…Renji…"

Letting it linger…

"Renji."

Swallowing in little amounts to savor the warmness of the drink…

"Abarai Fukutaicho."

Yikes! I did it again!

"YES taicho!"

"Is there something wrong today? Or is it you prefer me to call you Abarai Fukutaicho instead?"

"NO!"

Oops. A little loud…

"I mean no, Renji is fine."

"Then why is it that you only respond when I call you by your title today?"

"I'm sorry, Taicho. Must be the paperwork."

"Is there something you wish to tell me?"

Oh no, he's looking directly at me!

"No, Taicho. There's nothing."

He is still looking at me! He must be suspecting I'm lying. But there's nothing I can tell him!

Wait.

Is he waiting for me to make the first move? Maybe, he's been waiting for me to tell him how I feel! I know he's not the confrontational type, oh my goodness it must be it!

But should I tell him? What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he's still trying to get over his wife?

Ahh, forget it! I'm Abarai Renji, Vice captain of the 6th division! I am a man!

"Er, Taicho, there's something…"

Byakuyaaaa is still looking at me and drinking the tea… oh please don't look at me! It's difficult!

"What is it?"

Oh no! DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!!! I CAN FEEL MY EARS TURNING RED! Oh but I guess it's fine since it'll probably blend into my hair.

"It's…"

Damn, I can't say!!! Or rather I don't know how to say it!!!! I can't just tell him I love him! He'll think I'm a freak! Or Psycho! Or a STALKER!

"Er… it's…"

He's still drinking the tea.

"It's the tea!"

… I feel so stupid…

"I changed the tea leaves, are they satisfactory to your taste?"

I hate myself…

Byakuyaaaa is now looking me with a little crease between his brows… this is embarrassing.

"Yes they are fine."

He set down the cup and turned back to his paperwork.

… I really feel stupid…

Why!!! Why can't I just tell him?! What's wrong with me man!!!!

…

…….

"Renji."

"Yes taicho!"

Good, at least I heard him this time. This is the first time right? He hasn't called me for like 5 or 6 times?

"Is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine, Taicho." I want to bang my head against the wall…

"Then why are you so distracted today?"

Distracted by you…

But of course I can't say that.

"The paperwork, Taicho. I was a little tired this morning."

"Are you sure there isn't something you want to tell me?"

Oh my god here it is again! This time I'm 100% sure he wants me to make the first move! WHY ELSE WOULD HE KEEP ASKING!

"Actually… Taicho…"

Byakuyaaaa is looking back at me again… pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee don't look at me!!!!

"Taicho, I…"

I can honestly say I admire his resolved face every time. His just don't change every now and then to reflect emotions. I wish I had that, so I could say what I want to say straight.

"I…"

Am I blushing now…? I must have looked disheveled… this is no look to show the person you love!!! But it's now or never.

"Taicho, I have always –

WHAM

"YO! Renji! Byakuya!"

"Kurosaki Ichigo." Byakuyaaaa's sneer came.

Ichigo? WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE!

"Yo, I just dropped by to say hi."

"What are you doing in Soul Society?" Byakuyaaaa asked. Obviously he's annoyed, he's about to hear my confession when this… this… annoying brat burst in!

"Haha, I was chasing a hollow, apparently I forgot Urahara-san had one gate in his basement and it went through." That brat is looking sheepish for good reason. He's about to get killed by me!

"Well, if that is the case you have no business doing in Soul Society anymore. Please return to the real world"

Wait, Byakuyaaaa is leaving?!

"Taicho, where are you going?"

"I'm going to the 1st Division. The Soutaicho requested for my presence."

!!!!!

Damned! He shunpo-ed.

"He's still as cranky as ever." Ichigo said… did he just say Byakuyaaaa is cranky?!

"You ok? You look like he's been torturing you."

How dare he say that?! HE JUST RUINED MY CONFESSION!

"Renji?" the idiot is now waving his hand in front of my face.

I'm going to kill him…

"Hoeru! ZABIMARU!!!!"

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Happy New Year to all! :) Reviews please :)


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